Oh oh, I'm using the Bettman picture. That means I'm gonna talk about teams other than the Oilers. Gather around, children; we're gonna see some feudin' and some fightin'.

The Best Team In the NHL - Stats don't lie. The Washington Capitals are ridiculous. And the funniest part in all of this is, Alexander Ovechkin isn't doing anything yet. Just wait till he gets going (and he will). Washington is going to win a cup next Spring. Tomas Vokoun was the missing piece, and now that he's there the sky's the limit.

Ridiculously Good Award - Jonathan Quick. Three straight shutouts. Thanks dude - I have you in my fantasy pool and you've been big money so far. The Kings should also be in the cup dance with Washington next Spring. Good for you folks...the cup will go to a city that's never tasted success ever, for any reason. Washington and LA...how lame are those two places?

Best Rookie - Nuuuuugggeee. Of course it's Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. He IS the Oilers offense this season. So what if he can't win a face-off. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he finishes the season as a point-per-game player.

MEP: Most Exciting Player - Would you believe Phil "The Thrill" Kessel? Every Leafs game I see, the guy does something electric. Will his offensive greatness last? Don't think so. But he's a whole lot better than people give him credit for being. He could be this season's Steven Stamkos (lots of goals during the first half).

The Unsung Heroes Award - Pittsburgh Penguins. How in the world is this team 6-2-2, even though most of their key players are not there? Can you imagine the Pens getting healthy for the playoffs and then facing the Washington Capitals? Could be the best series in the history of hockey. The Pens are doing it with coaching and determination. A true success story.

The JFK Award - Brendan Shanahan. I'd stay away from grass knolls if I were you, dude. Half of the league severely hates you. I happen to agree with what you're doing, but no one takes me seriously.

The "It Won't Last" Award - Tie. Dallas Stars and Colorado Avalanche. Neither of these teams have the roster necessary to make the playoffs, let alone lead their division. Sooner or later reality will set in, and losing skids will start.

The Regrettable Contract Award - Drew Doughty. Signs huge deal, and gets immediately injured. It's a good thing the Kings have such a stacked roster. Doughty could be the next Rick DiPietro.

The "Where Have You Been All My Life" Award - Hands down: Adam Larsson, New Jersey Devils. How many teenaged defensemen in their first season can handle playing almost 24 minutes a night? The Devils would be a God awful team this season without Larsson and a few others. Steady, steady defenseman.

The Missed the Boat at the Draft Award - Winnipeg Jets, Ottawa Senators and New York Islanders. Have you seen Sean Courturier play in Philly yet? The guy's an instant star, just add ice.

The Don't Drink the Kool-Aid Award - Dale Tallon. OMG, what were you thinking when you made the David Booth deal?

Player Most Likely to Request a Deal - Jason Spezza. All-Star quality center is stuck on a team that is Year 1 into a five-year rebuild process. Spezza's value in a deal will never be higher. Didn't he make a comment that he'll go if it helps the team? Read between the lines with that one.

The "Should Have Played Me More Last Season" Award - Tyler Seguin. Nine points in eight games on a Bruins team that appears to be suffering from a severe Stanley Cup hangover.

The "Being Minus is Awesome" Award - Eric Stall. -10. Staal is a great player. So how bad do the Hurricanes have to be to cause Staal to get a -10 rating? He only has four points. Slow start to the season in Carolina? Not really, the team is playing .500 hockey.

First Team to Implode - The process might already have started: Columbus Blue Jackets. During a season where early success was critical, the Jackets are the worst team in the league, with only one point in eight games. Key summer acquisitions Jeff Carter and James Wisniewski are MIA. Plenty of coaching and management jobs are on the line, and word is, ownership is talking to Ken Hitchcock about taking over.

Delusions of Grandeur Award - Another tie, this time Habs fans and Flames fans share the award. Both teams are terrible. Both teams don't seem to have a way of going from terrible to good. Before the season ends, several deals will be made by these teams, and coaches will be fired. And yet, listen to Habs and Flames talk, and you'd swear these are good teams challenging for the lead in their divisions.

Our Favorite Goon Award - Zenon Konopka, Ottawa Senators. He averages a little over 7 minutes of ice time per game, and already has 34 penalty minutes in five games played. Think about it: 35 total minutes of ice time, 34 penalty minutes. That's an outstanding ratio...for the other team.

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