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The 10 Least Interesting Teams in the NHL |
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Are you ready?
I'm looking forward to 500 angry replies MINIMUM to this blog. I was at the Gogol Bordello concert last night in Edmonton, and lemme tell ya, if you haven't seen one of their shows before, it is complete and utter chaos and insanity. The crowd lost it. I've been to maybe 100 concerts in my lifetime, and I've never see anything like that show. So if people can lose their minds to Gogol, you folks can lose your minds in the same way to this blog. Almost just as fun.
So here's the list you've been waiting for. You might notice I've switched things up, and now we're doing a LEAST interesting list. So the team I list first will be the 21st most interesting team, but it will have a #10 by it. And the #1, which will be at the bottom of the page, will be the NHL's least interesting team. Got it?
Oh, and before you all start rioting and throwing handfuls of poo at each other, let me clarify something about this list: It's from my head. There is actually nothing more or less interesting about any team in the NHL, and natch, local fans will always say their own team is the most interesting. You come in here to get a healthy dose of my opinion, so that's what I'm giving you, whether you like it or not. There is no science to this whatsoever.
10. Columbus Blue Jackets - I must admit I find one aspect of these team interesting: How quickly they've recovered. They weren't bad a few years ago...I'm not saying "good"; I'm saying "not bad", but things fell apart in 2011/2012. But add a few D and a good goalie, and things turned around in a hurry. They've went back to being "not bad". But that's the problem: Not bad is not good, and when you're in the middle of a rebuild (if you can call it that), you need to be real bad to get players really good. The signing of Nathan Horton will be interesting until he gets hurt again, but I still don't understand why he signed there. A dull team that will need to rely on defense and the trap to win games. Lots of solid players, but no one that really can blow your mind during a game. Well, maybe Gaborik...until he joins Horton on the DL.
9.Tampa Bay Lightning - I know what you're thinking: How can the team with the best goal scorer in the league be dull? Answer: He's the only player worth watching on the roster. Well, he and St. Louis, but Martin is Robin to Stamkos's Batman. The team's forward depth is absolutely dreadful, and prospect-wise, there is Drouin and no one else. Perhaps the big question this season will be if the building is half-full or half-empty, because people in Florida care about oranges and pensions, not hockey.
8.New York Rangers - There's absolutely nothing wrong with the quality of players on this roster, but the only interesting guy involved with the Rangers was Torts, and he's gone now. His replacement Alain Vigneault is the least likable coach in hockey, which will fit into New York worse than you'd think. Fans and the local media are going to eat him alive. The Rangers are teetering on the brink of disaster, and disasters are always fun, so things could be looking up soon. But for now, the most we can hope for is yet another completely disappointing and underachieving season. The good news next summer is, management could fire Vigneult and players could start scaling over the wall to freedom. See, there's always hope.
7.Washington Capitals - I think I lost hope for Ovenchicken when I saw the video of him attempting to rap. Really, really lame. For being the most talented player in the NHL, he'll make you crazy. That's the difference between talent and quality: I think Ovechkin is more of a total package than, let's say, Sidney Crosby. But Crosby works his tail off and dies a little inside when he loses. His effort and attitude towards winning make him a winner. Ovechkin? I think he plays on Team Ovechkin, and that's troublesome...because the rest of the Capitals roster just isn't very good. When Ovechkin wins games on his own, which happens, this is an interesting team. At all other times, especially in the playoffs, they aren't. What happened to that Holtby guy?
6.San Jose Sharks - They are big. Really big. Biggest team in the NHL. Perhaps the biggest collection of checked-out players, too. When Big Joe decides to win games, he's a force. He's also 80 years old. Marleau is the worst point-per-game player you'll ever find. Juicy Couture and Little Joe are the two Sharks I actually like...well, Burns too, but I like him better as a defenseman. Very questionable roster though, and the management team seems paralyzed. It must be really frustrating to watch a team that should be dominant, but they just can't put a full season together. Going nowhere fast in San Jose.
5. Minnesota Wild - Minnesota is the Hockey State, so interest in the game is there. Why shouldn't it be? The Twin Cities is the American version of Winnipeg. Hockey gives frozen Norwegians something to do in January. You'd think this would be a tremendously interesting team after the signings of Parise and Suter, but actually, the grenade was a dud. The interesting story with this team might be the impending financial disaster. Didn't they lose $30mil last season? But that isn't really a story about the team, it's a story about the CBA. Those signings never should have happened. Oh, and ugly, hideous, disastrous jerseys that look like a Christmas tree after you've been hit with pepper spray. Barf.
4. Colorado Avalanche - Some groups of players are teams, others are just a group of players. The Avs have no heart; no soul. Just a jumble of pieces that don't fit together all that well. Colorado is like Minnesota in that there are hockey fans there, and they actually understand and care about the sport...so why do those cities always have such terrible teams? Management had all off-season to do something about the defense, and they didn't. Four centers would could play on the Top 2 lines. Nathan MacKinnon is going to be killer, but what a waste. Talk to me about the Avs potential after O'Reilly and Stastny are dealt to bring in some help. For now, bleech.
3. Florida Panthers - It's a good thing they showed up at the NHL Entry Draft, or we would have forgotten altogether that there was NHL hockey in Miami. Wait, the Panthers play in Miami, right? See...I have no idea. Awful team, awful management, nonexistent fans and limited prospect depth. I have no idea where the NHL is going with this, but if I had to guess, I'd say Quebec City. Hopefully sooner than later. Perhaps if they move to Quebec, they could change the name to the "Cougars". Anyone who has hung out in a bar there on a Thursday will know exactly what I'm talking about.
2. Carolina Hurricanes - You'd think a team with the first line of Eric Staal, Jordan Staal and Ricky Staal would be interesting. But trust me, the roster goes downhill from there. The second line of Greg Staal, Peter Staal and Anton Staal isn't very good, and the Bottom 6 group of Steven Staal, Martin Staal, Johnny Staal, Bill Staal, David Staal and Zach Staal couldn't hit their way out of a paper bag. And those defensive pairings? Tim Staal, Red Staal, and Keith Staal all belong in the NHL, but Rod Staal, Paul Staal and Jim Staal really don't. Oh, and Cam Ward sucks now. PS: The new jerseys look the same as the old ones.
1. Nashville Predators - When the marketing strategy for your hockey team is "one of them is married to Carrie Underwood", you know you have a problem. Some of it isn't entirely the players fault. Head Coach Barry Trotz might be the best coach in all of hockey, and he knows his roster is brutal, so he forces his team to play the dullest, lamest shutdown strategy that wouldn't work at all if they made the NHL ice surface 200' by 100'. I always seem to get Preds tickets when they are in town (because people just give them away), and I always fall asleep at the game at some point in the second period. Shouldn't the NHL have created an Illegal Defense penalty yet? Kill me. And it doesn't really matter which players are on the roster, because Trotz is going to do what Trotz is going to do. Does it win hockey games? Yes. Does it make people turn off their televisions to watch re-runs of Laugh-In? Yes.
Okay, you bunch of jackals: It's showtime. Please do not disappoint.
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • 
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