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PLUS/MINUS: NHL Free Agency Rated

July 7, 2019, 12:47 PM ET [34 Comments]
James Tanner
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PLUS/MINUS is brought to you by Chuck's Mustard - when you need a bitter shot of something yellow and gross - reach for the Chucks Extra Bright.

PLUS: NHL Free Agency was a day that actually lived up to the hype for once. Two trades from the Leafs, an offer sheet and about 6 billion in signings.

After spending 15 consecutive trade deadlines disappointed, I was due!

MINUS: The Islander's are lost under the rudderless direction of a 104 year old man. It's sad to watch. They let the only reason they weren't a lottery team last year walk away for nothing and replaced him with Semyon Varlamov.

Also, he's not a very good goalie.

PLUS: To the 19% of NHL teams, writers, management etc who recognize that being a good GM before and after the salary cap are not the same things.

PLUS: I really enjoyed the T.V show A.P Bio. Hilarious.

MINUS: So it turns out that the Nutty Professor is a) not a kid's movie and b) does not stand up well at all.

PLUS: To the guy who tried to shame me as a "bad liberal," due us only agreeing on 99.99% of things. Apparently ol' J.T is too hot for snowflakes - who knew?



MINUS: What in the hell were the Panthers thinking with Bobrovsky? Ten million per year? For the max seven years? It's easily the worst contract anyone handed out. I mean, at least Bobrovsky is good, but there's just too much randomness in goalie performance to give out that contract.

The best goalie in the NHL last season was a mid range AHL goalie who wasn't even considered a top prospect.

PLUS: I love that Kadri turned down an OK trade and then the Leafs made a much better one.

PLUS: I like that the Canadiens offersheeted Aho. I think everyone ripping it is being unfair because the Habs aggressively tried to add an elite player - can't fault them for that.

Sure, there was always a high probability of it not working, but they tried.

PLUS: Watching outdated _____ try to make sense of Kyle Dubas and his complete lack of respect for hockey's traditional lineup. "Oh my stars what will we ever do without some grit and sandpaper in this here lineup?"

MINUS: Due to it being laundry day, and 199 degrees outside, I was forced to wear my 1997 acrylic Umbros to my son's soccer game last Thursday, and it did not go well - as we were cleaning up and I was simultaneously charming the team's parents and putting my lawn chair back in it's bag (yes the chair has a bag) the shorts, they fell to the ankles.

Let this be a lesson kids: don't trust the draw string on your 25 year old Umbros!

PLUS: Unsigned Jake Gadiner means there's still a chance!

MINUS: Making fun of the Vancouver Canucks used to be fun. Now it's just mean.

PLUS: The New York Rangers rebuild was even quicker than the Leafs. Not only did they have just an absolutely fantastic offseason, but they have somehow pulled off the near impossible feat of making the Oilers look even dumber than usual.

MINUS: It somehow happened, I'm sick of Pizza!

MINUS: You'd think people would send me stuff for free in the hopes I'd talk about it. Where's the free crap at? Don't think I wouldn't sell out for a free Mercedes!!!

PLUS: Every time I mention my completely not-safe-for-work comic book in this column, at least three people DM me and at least one person buys it!!

Thanks to everyone for their past and (hopefully) future interest. Not to brag but I just received a sweet $21 dollar royalty cheque!!!

As always thanks for your time, your insults and to my seven fans - I salute you!!

BONUS FREE AGENCY GRADES:

PLUS: Toronto, Arizona, Chicago, Tampa, Sabres , Montreal, San Jose

MINUS: Islanders, Oilers, Senators, Wild

Sub-Minus: Canucks - not just for being awful, but also for giving Tampa a First Round Pick to help the league's best team out of their cap problems.

If you waited a month, they'd have paid you to take J.T Miller you fools!!
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