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When I played college hockey at the University of Pennsylvania, something happened on the bench during a game that I'd never experienced before.

I was playing forward, and let my check go, figuring the defenseman would pick him up one-on-one. Instead, the opposing player went in and scored. When I got back to the bench, coach Bob Crocker verbally berated me. Then he slapped me across the face.

I was taken aback. Coach Crocker later apologized, sincerely, saying what he had done was wrong.

"It's OK," I said. "We all lose our cool sometimes. You didn't hurt me, but you startled me. My father never put a hand on me in my life."

Crocker, who was a longtime friend of my father Bill Stewart Sr., felt awful and apologized again. Then we moved on from it, and never spoke of it again. There was no need to. Nothing of that nature ever happened again, and it wasn't hard to find forgiveness. I was much more unhappy about a lack of playing opportunity my senior year than about the aforementioned situation.

Even that, however, was a learning experience. Flyers forward Bob "the Hound" Kelly said to me, "Your coach made a decision about you, but you have to make a decision about his decision." My decision was to keep pushing for a pro playing career, and it happened for me.

On a personal level, Coach Crocker was a big help to me in getting an Ivy League education, and proved to be a good and caring friend to me long after I graduated Penn. He passed away almost a year ago (Dec. 22, 2018) at age 91 and I greatly miss him. My memories of him are mostly fond ones.

Two years before his passing, Bob Crocker was honored with the Lester Patrick Trophy for his litinay of contributions to hockey in the United States. That made me very happy.

Times change. People can change, too. If what happened during a single heated moment between Coach Crocker and me happened in today's climate, it could have ended a coach's career. Sometimes, I think there's a rush to judgment and almost a sense of disappointment if someone does NOT consider himself or herself a victim and harbors no grudges. We are sometimes a little too quick on the trigger, overly sensitive. Too much bureaucracy, too much lawyer-speak.

Those are ways where I think we've moved in a negative direction. There's too little discourse, too little recognition of the many gray areas that exist in all human institutions, and personal characteristics and experiences. Lots of bloviating and labels pinned haphazardly. I also don't think many of the guiltiest parties even really pay attention to how people they're supposedly protecting view their experiences. Rather, they're told how to feel.

One thing I learned from being a history major (Asian history, specifically) in college: History is NOT actually a study of factual events. It's actually a study of changes over time, and changing interpretations of events, people and their impact. It's dynamic, not static, like society itself.

I said this in my last blog: There is a difference between hard-nosed coaching and bullying. The latter should have no place in sports or society. The tricky part is that societal values and expectations change over time. Nowadays, it is 100 percent unacceptable for a coach to physically abuse a player or to make derogatory reference to ethnicity or personal background.

I think that's a positive way that we've evolved. I would never accept a coach slapping one of my own sons or tolerate it in a position of authority if done to someone else's child. The same thing goes for ethnic slurs or taunts about socioeconomic background or personal status. My father taught me better than that -- both as a dad and by the example he set as a teacher and coach.

As I wrote the other day, as both a player and a referee, I experienced great coaching, lousy coaching and everything in between and learned by example from each and every one.

During my playing days -- I won't say which league or which coach -- I had a coach whose lineups were based largely on which players he personally liked and which he disliked. He could be vindictive if he didn't like you as a person. Simultaneously, he had a lot of distractions going on in his personal life, including the aftermath of a serious car accident. Hockey coaching was not at the top of his priority list, and it definitely showed up on our team.

On the flip side, I'd have done anything in the world for Jacques Demers. I'd have loved to play more but Jacques treated me with nothing but kindness and consideration. I never knew at the time that he was illiterate but compensated with a photographic memory. Learning that, my respect for Demers increased even further. Talk about the human spirit overcoming major obstacles.

When I look at the overall state of coaching and team management nowadays, I think we've come a long way in a lot of areas. Back when I played, and even when I reffed, being an American rather than a Canadian was something that not-infrequently elicited snideness. Nowadays, there are players from all over the world on most every roster. We've still got some work to do to catch up on the officiating side but it's gotten better. I don't know if I'll live to see the day where nationality doesn't come into play at all in how far one can go in whatever realm of the game one is draw to, but there's a Finnish GM in the NHL, a mostly French Canadian coaching staff in a non-Quebec NHL market, and being an American is no longer an obstacle to being an NHL head coach.

In terms of the way that players are challenged by coaches, there's still a line to walk. There are things that, nowadays, are clearly over the line; which the NHL laid out just yesterday in its newly codified policies. But there are also gray areas.

For most of my officiating career, wearing a helmet was frowned up for referees and linesmen. You were called a "pussy" for wearing one, even if you had a concussion. I once suffered concussions on back-to-back nights; didn't know what city I was in or have any recollection of a game's details. The expectations were what they were. Nowadays, all officials wear helmets on the ice, just as the players do. It's considered common sense.

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A 2018 inductee into the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame, Paul Stewart holds the distinction of being the first U.S.-born citizen to make it to the NHL as both a player and referee. On March 15, 2003, he became the first American-born referee to officiate in 1,000 NHL games.

Visit Paul's official websites, YaWannaGo.com and Officiating by Stewart.