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Red Wings stuck on loop as Wild dismantle them 7-1 |
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Picture this, a parent notices their toddler is shockingly quiet (quiet is the only thing new parents notice at certain points, though I myself am not one). Upon entering the nursery the parent realizes that the toddler has finger painted a centuries worth of cave drawings all over the room. For a moment, the proud adult is staring in wonderment at the creative process. That comes to a screeching hault with the realization that the child has not been provided with finger paints. A concerned gaze toward the diaper genie finds it broken open and emptied. Well, the pictures were all brown. All of a sudden delight turns into horror and for a brief second an adult wonders if it would be easier to sell the house as-is than to attempt this cleanup. “Don’t worry about the smell, we’ve been painting. So, is this a cash sale?”
The not subtle message is that “the process” can leave you with crap all over everything and trying to figure out if moving forward is even possible. Detroit’s season is about as unfortunate as the paper lining of a bird cage. No matter what the plan was, it got covered and is headed for the bin. The salvageable pieces, and that aren’t many, sit in the locker room and continue to get piled on.
The team is on loop. They may well be rehearsing their lines for the post game shake down. Words like “process, belief, effort, pride” go on into an infinite swirl in context of the worst performance by a team in the modern era of the NHL. It is similar to an expansion team before there was an expansion draft. The first 30 minutes of any underdog movie of the 80s and 90s on loop. Just short enough to where the team never learns how to play.
The first period was a shining example of exactly what Bernier has been providing. This team needs constant bailing out in order to stay in a game. The Wild ended up with 3 goals on 9 shots and the Bronx cheers were rolling. At that point, Detroit only had 2 shots on net. Sam Gagner was a bit of fresh air. He was shooting the puck and trying to make plays. It’s shocking how long it seems this team has been without some creativity and drive. The score could have been worse but thankfully Parise couldn’t cash in on some gifted opportunities.
The second saw a better start for Detroit, and an absolute ripper of a wrist shot from Mantha. His skill set has been sorely missed. The big forward has an impressive shot. But, Matt Dumba came alive for his second of the game and 7th of the season and restored the 3 goal lead for Minnesota. He’d tried the identical shot and missed, but the team was still left not covering him. If at first you don’t fail, give it a minute folks.
The fifth goal came from Jordan Greenway as Detroit’s lackluster defensive coverage failed to move the puck. Biega and Perlini literally double teamed him and he still made it to the net. 5 goals on 17 shots was enough for Howard tonight, and Bernier had a cleanup task that was, not only improbable, but massive. Detroit looked like the JV scrimmaging against the Varsity.
Dead stares on the bench, dead air in the building, and Blashill making some of the strangest faces I’ve seen. With 6:40 left in the second, there was nothing left in the tank. I wondered if the Toronto media would give any Wings players a break of Stalock were run down in as convincing a fashion as Mrazek was. It was called a “hockey play” in Toronto, and the talking heads at Sportsnet wanted Mrazek to get a penalty for interference. Strange but honest pondering that returns to the point, this team won’t even make life uncomfortable for players on the other team.
The spark that a power play can bring was nowhere to be seen and Kevin Fiala scored mere seconds after its conclusion. Larkin, injured by the albatross of Ryan Suter, sank even lower on the bench. 6 goals on 20 shots wrapped up the second period as Detroit continued to cough up their lunch money on a shift by shift basis.
At this point I’m pondering the many commenters screaming for a Blashill replacement. Or, at the very least, displacement. If this is “sink or swim”, how long do the kids have to be under water before the front office needs to step in? A minute after there are no more bubbles? That may be too late. With 16 games left something has to give for this squad, even if it means putting Paul Boyer in a suit for the game. Blashill wasn’t given much to work with, but the results seem even worse than expected.
The third opened with the same lackluster start as the first. Erikson Ek started shoving Larkin around and you knew that, to a man, everyone in white felt the ability to steamroll anyone in red. The play by play turned into pondering a Parise trade, and the history of back diving deals. A good chili recipe would have been a welcome respite from commentators tasked with trying to accurately describe a disaster.
The parade of embarrassment continued with Eric Staal scoring at 9:10. There is no mercy rule in the NHL, but this team certainly seems on pace to challenge for one. The team seems to have less pushback than a memory foam mattress. It all just sinks in and festers.
The media team did their best to keep the mood light by playing “living on a prayer”, but “all apologies” or the much forgotten Ugly Kid Joe ballad “I hate everything about you” may have been more appropriate. With 2 minutes left the Wings bench looked like pall bearers who just dropped the coffin at the top of a massive set of steps and just stared blankly while it bounced into the parking lot. Potentially the most appropriate metaphor for this season that I’ve listed to date.
Detroit will, likely, continue the all humiliation tour in Ottawa on Saturday. MLive will have information on how you can watch the game, but no one could tell you why you should watch it. No amount of post game muttering can shed any light onto what has become a team with absolutely no direction and even less hope right now.
Detroit Red Wings Blogger • 
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