There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about it: Winnipeg Jets is the name most want for the recently relocated Atlanta Thrashers now that they have returned to the capital city of Manitoba. Just like people would be calling for the “Nordiques” moniker were a team to return to Quebec City, many view re-establishing the “Jets” brand in Winnipeg as a natural extension of the recent shuffle in team locales. While the reasons may vary, from maintaining a consistency from the former franchise to symbolically reviving what was so painfully taken away 15 years prior, the underlying consensus remains: “We want our Jets”!
Whether or not the Winnipeg populace actually gets their wish remains to be seen and truth be told, for the purposes of the current piece, it is somewhat irrelevant. This is so in that in as much as the Winnipeg fans, and most hockey fans taking more than a minor interest in the return of the NHL to Manitoba, are arguing for the return of the name they love, this writer is interested in what might be perceived as the polar opposite: Where are the fans who despise their team name? For that matter, as hockey fans in general are there team names you cannot tolerate, and why?
Let me illustrate: Give me a time machine and a baseball bat and I’m heading back to 1990 to track down Steven Brill. Mr. Brill is an actor, writer, director and producer who among other movies such as “Little Nicky”, “Ready to Rumble” and “Heavy Weights”, wrote the movie that led to the NHL jumping the shark in my books: “The Mighty Ducks”. As we now know, this movie served as the impetus for the Disney corporation to buy into the NHL through the Anaheim franchise of the same name. That horrible, nonsensical, cartoonish name…
(On a side note, Steven Brill may be a very nice individual, which would make the act of this pre-emptive blunt object attack more difficult to go through with. However, if “Terminator 2” taught me anything, it’s that you have to cut these things off at the head, and Mr. Brill is to the Mighty Ducks as Miles Dyson was to Skynet: A nice enough guy, but in the end the one responsible for human extinction at the hands of sentient robots. But I digress…)
Anyways, here’s but a few reasons as to why I despised the “Mighty Ducks” name, and its current “Ducks” incarnation:
1) It’s An Advertisement: When it boils right down to it the team name is just a billboard for the Disney Corporation via its association with the Mighty Ducks movie. Even now that Disney doesn’t own the team anymore it remains essentially a corporate shill for them. Yeah, at the time the team entered the league things were getting more about the coin than they had been in the past, leaving many of us fans feeling quite disillusioned. Up to that point, however, it was more related to player salaries increasing and team finances becoming increasingly unstable. This, on the other hand, was a very blatant marketing ploy meant to cross promote a large corporation into a sport that was becoming increasingly bastardized from what I grew up with. One of those “rip out a piece of my soul” moments!
2) The Name Makes No Sense: What the hell business does a duck have in hockey?!?!? Some names just do not make sense in certain sports. A duck has no connection to hockey. None. “But what about the movie?” you say? To you I say this: I’m about to make a baseball movie called “The Mighty Penguins”. Then I’m going to buy a major league baseball team and call them the Penguins. Does it make the name fit any better?
I feel like most of the other 29 teams you can make some form of justification for the name. Watch:
Original 6: Each team here gets a pass based solely on tradition, especially the Rangers whose name, derived from original team president Tex Rickard’s name (Tex’s Rangers? Get it?) is sketchy at best. The other five are arguably legit in the basis for their names (Montreal is in Canada, Toronto via the Maple Leaf as a Canadian symbol, Boston as the bear is at least a strong animal, Chicago as Chief Black Hawk was a historical Native American figure in Illinois, and Detroit via the name being a variation off the nickname “Winged Wheelers” held by the Montreal HC of the early 1900’s).
Appropriate Animals: The Penguins. A cold climate animal. Seven teams down…
Animals That Are Tough: They don’t come from cold climates exclusively, but are badass none the less: Panthers, Sharks, Predators. Coyotes? Well, they could bite you and give you rabies, and that’s medically badass I guess…(11 teams down)
Animals That Aren’t Tough But At Least Sound It: The as of now defunct Atlanta Thrashers. It’s a tiny little bird. But at least the name SOUNDS badass! Duck on the other hand is what you do when something is coming at you and you don’t want to get hurt. This equals lame-ass (12 teams down…)
Geographically Correct: Washington is the capital, Ottawa houses the Canadian senate, the Islanders play on Long Island, Carolina is located in a high hurricane area, Canuck is slang for “Canadian”, Blue Jackets as the largest proportion of Northern Civil War soldiers came from Ohio, and there is a lot of oil in Alberta. That’s 19 teams down!
Songs: The stars at night are big and bright (clap, clap, clap, clap) deep in the heart of Texas, and there was a song called St. Louis Blues. Nevermind that Dallas’ name is also derived from the original team name “North Stars” when they were located in Minnesota, which is the more accurate reason for why they have the name they do. Twenty-one down…
Adjectives: The Flyers represent speed (also fan chosen) while the Wild conveys a sense of energy and aggressiveness. Twenty-three down…
Nature: Lightning is fast and damaging, Flames can burn and are hard to control, and an Avalanche is fast, big and destructive. Twenty-six down…
Authority: A King rules, a Devil destroys. ‘Nuff siad (Twenty-eight…)
Weapons: A Sabre can cut/kill. That’s twenty-nine, leaving us with a….
Duck
I rest my case…
3) The logo: Sure, with the expansion of the early 90’s came the advent of the more modern/cartoony form of the NHL logo. Now I’m not saying the Anaheim jersey was the worst of the bunch (see: Coyotes, Phoenix), but it was pretty lame. Looked like a cartoon, pure and simple, and really did not hold any of the energy and assertiveness of the game I grew up loving. Nevermind that it was pulled directly from the logo used by a fictional kids hockey team. (*writer bangs head against concrete wall. Repeatedly*)
Anyhoo, that’s my rant! But what about you? Here’s the question of the day:
“What if…? #24”: What if you could change any teams name?
Who would it be? Why? I have no idea what I’d change Anaheim’s name to but do you have ideas for your team? Let me know in the comments!
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Shawn Gates
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Twitter: ShawnHockeybuzz
Facebook: Shawn Gates
Facebook Group: Hockeybuzz Collectibles
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#1: Gordie Howe
#2: The Zamboni
#3: Maurice “The Rocket” Richard
#4: Ron Hextall
#5: Stanley Cup Abuse, Neglect and Versatility
#6: The Puck
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#8: Cam Neely
#9: The Early Years of Les Canadiens
#10: Hockey Superstitions!
#11: Olympic Hockey Pt1
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#13: Mark Messier
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#2 What If Quebec Traded Lindros To The Rangers Instead Of The Flyers?
#3 What If Calgary Drafted Martin Brodeur Instead Of Trevor Kidd?
#3a What If Calgary Drafted Martin Brodeur Instead Of Trevor Kidd?: A RESPONSE
#4 What If The WHA Never Existed?
#5 What If The Position Of Rover Had Not Been Eliminated?
#6 What If Pittsburgh Had Not Been Awarded A Team In 1967?
#7 What If Steve Smith Had Not Scored In His Own Net In Game 7?
#8 What If The NHL Had a Cross-Conference Playoff Structure?
#9 What If The NHL Asked For Fan Ideas For Improving The Game??
#10 What If Henderson Had Missed The Net In Game 8?
#11 What If You Could Sneak Into A Stanley Cup Celebration?
#12 What If The NHL Returned To Quebec City?
#13 What if Toronto and Edmonton Had Traded Teams in 1981?
#14 What if You Could Create Your Own Hockey Dream Team?
#15 What if An Active Player in the NHL “Came Out” as Gay?
#16 You Could Assemble Your Own Fantasy Pick-up Hockey Team?
#17 Hockey Had A Champions League Tournament?
#18 Team "X" Did NOT Make Trade "Y" At The Deadline?
#19 Gretzky Had Been Called For he High Stick?
#20 Star Players Hadn't Had Their Careers Cut Short?
#21 Mark Cuban Owned An NHL Team?
#22 Should Divisional Play Be Overhauled?
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#3,
#4,
#5,
#6,
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East vs West: Which Conference is Best?
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#2: Your desk has the right to remain collectable!
#3: Have Pads, Will Travel
#4: Pick a Pekka (Rinne) Autographed Mask
#5: Ted Lindsay Gets Kronwalled?
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#2: The Price Guide"
#3: What IS A Rookie Card?
#4: Beware the Money Order!
#5: The Counterfeit Gretzky RC
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Previous “According to Twitter” Articles
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Olympic Hockey
Kovalchuk Trade
Previous “Town Without A Team” Articles
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Hell, Michigan
Previous “Hockey Psychology” Articles
State Dependent Learning
Arousal and Performance
Depression
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