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Update: Oil/Jackets to Swap Picks + Headlines from Around the NHL |
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Updated: 12:30pm EST
A rumor circling around the NHL this evening is that the Edmonton Oilers and Columbus Blue Jackets have negoatiated a swap of 1st round picks at the NHL Entry Draft. The rumor comes from Gene Principe, a member of the Edmonton Oilers broadcast team.
There was no mention in the rumor as to what the Jackets would give up to make this happen. From what I read, the Oilers recognize their top priority is to add a future top-pairing defenseman, and will draft Ryan Murray with the 2nd overall pick.
And now, my silly little blog from earlier...
I'll start with a programming note: On Thursday, I will be the Ottawa Senators blogger, and Travis Yost will be the Edmonton Oilers blogger. Yep, the ol' switcheroo. Been a while since Yost and I did that. Oilers fans can look forward to a well-written, logical blog that is actually about hockey for a change. And Sens fans will be treated to my special brand of ass-hattery. Just wait until the playoffs are over, when Yost and I will do Trade Wars: Year Two. For those of you who missed Year One, look it up...it was hilarious.
And now, time for a blog looking at headlines from around the NHL. Enjoy.
Habs Accidentally Hire Spanish-Speaking Head Coach
"Ci sounds too much like oui," explained Habs GM Marc Bergevin. "It's a mistake anyone could make. Please don't fire me, Quebec!" Bergevin went on to add that the one upside of the hiring is that the new coach could perhaps turn around the career of Scott Gomez.
Rangers Fans To Taunt Penner with "Zuo Bisou Bisou" Song
In an effort to throw off playoff wrecking ball Dustin Penner during the Stanley Cup Finals, the Rangers have announced their plan to play the "Zuo Bisou Bisou" song from Mad Men "over and over and over again" during Rangers home games. "I hate all of you," remarked Rangers Head Coach John Tortorella.
NHL/WWE Sign Nickelback to a 5-Year Song Sharing Agreement
NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman gleefully announced on Wednesday that NHL fans can look forward to five more seasons of Nickelback music during television coverage, at NHL award shows, and at arenas during games. "Nickelback is the most entertaining and original band since the invention of three chords," exclaimed Bettman. "Burn it To the Ground, Animals, This Means War, Something in Your Mouth...all are so different and so classic."
Mike Milbury/Jeremy Roenick Introduce 1st Child to Media
"The first time we saw her, we fell instantly in love," said Roenick about new daughter Lisha. "You're so right, Jer," added Milbury. "For years there has been something missing in our relationship. We never could figure it out. But once we met Lisha, we knew this was the missing piece in our home." Milbury went on to explain that Lisha experienced a "natural" birth, and that the couple has attempted to breast feed.
Oilers Hire Sutter Just to Fire Him
"You know what's hilarious," stated Kevin Lowe, "Brent actually fell for it. I mean, how stupid do you think the Oilers are? We went with that Pat Quinn gag for a full season. The Tom Renney gag was even more hilarious; we just let it keep going and going. But hire a Sutter to be our Head Coach? Worst idea in history. The Oilers would suck so badly under Sutter, we'd finish next season in 31st place. We only hired him so we could instantly disgrace him. Show me a hockey fan who hasn't imagined doing that to a member of the Sutter family."
Bryzgalov Leaves NHL for Talk Show on OWN
"I'm fricken hilarious," declared the proud Bryzgalov. Flyers officials and their fans praised the move, saying in an official news release that Bryzgalov has acted "in the best interests of the franchise."
Playoff Success Increases Season Ticket Sales in Phoenix by 20%
NHL officials boasted on Wednesday about the dramatic increase of season tickets sales in Phoenix for the 2012/2013 season. The 20% increase occurred when the Coyotes sold 12 season seat packages, up from 10 packages in 2011/2012. "I think the success of the team in the playoffs is really paying off here," explained Bettman.
NHL to Finds New Ways to Erode Quality of the Product
A consulting firm hired by the NHL has ascertained that the main reason Major League Baseball, the NFL and the NBA are so popular is due to how boring each sport is. "Americans like beer. Most popular big-league sports are unemotional, dull and pointless. These elements encourage people to drink," stated researcher Wilson Jones. "In our final report, we recommend adding five new zones on the ice, increasing the size of goaltender equipment, and making the nets four feet smaller."
Thomas Declines White House Invitation to 2012 Stanley Cup Champion's Lunch
"I can't condone the actions of our government anymore," said Thomas during a heart-felt news conference. "By accepting the invitation to eat with the President, I'll just giving the current regime a photo opportunity and the illusion of my support. If I'm pictured standing next to President Obama, tens of millions of Americans will throw their support behind him. I just can't allow that to happen."
Podium Collapses on Howson Seconds Before He Announces Draft Selection
Tragedy has once again struck embattled Columbus Blue Jackets GM Scott Howson. Seconds before Howson was to announce the name of the player the Jackets were to select at the 2012 NHL Entry Draft, a steel beam fell from the ceiling of the Consol Energy Center, landed directly on Howson, and shattered the draft podium into 700 pieces. "I'll be fine," stated Howson from his hospital bed after the incident. "The Jackets can't get rid of me that easily." Howson went on to explain that the Jackets look forward to drafting the most talented and disinterested Russian player when the draft resumes next week.
Oilers Enter Year One of Rebuild
Oilers GM Steve Tambellini did not mince words during his most recent news conference. "Some people think the rebuild started in 2007 after we had to trade Chris Pronger. Others think it started in 2010 when we drafted Taylor Hall. I'm here to tell you, friends, 2012/2013 will officially be the first season of the Oilers rebuild." Tambellini then explained that the media and fans have put unrealistic expectations on the team, and that everyone needs to be patient while the rebuild takes place. "I guarantee you in four or five seasons, we'll know what he have here in Edmonton."
Ipsos/Reid Survey Says Canadians Are Growing Bored of Hating the Canucks
"It's become obvious to all Canadians that the Canucks will never win any sort of championship," explained Ipsos/Reid spokesman John Thomas. "The Canucks have missed their window of opportunity, and their play will begin to decline from next season on. Canadians know there really is no reason to hate the Canucks anymore." Thomas then added, "they suck."
Paulina Gretzky Only Finishes #87 on Maxim's Annual List of Overhyped Ho-Bags
"What do those other women got that I haven't got?" asked the confused Gretzky to a crowd of three reporters and an unemployed gym coach. "I've got a posse of moronic 20-something homies. I wear clothing that would make Paris Hilton blush. I'd publicly dissed my father and humiliated my family. I'm running out of options here." Gretzky went on to add that she's considering installing video cameras in her bedroom, a shoplifting conviction, and an "addiction of some sort."
Shanahan to Consult Dustin Brown on Changes to NHL Rulebook
"Violence and dirty play is out of control in the NHL," said Shanahan. "It's my job to change things, but I don't have the ability to solve this issue myself." Shanahan went on to state Brown is the type of guy who "gets results" and would never do anything questionable on the ice that could conflict with his sense of morality and fair-play.
Edmonton Oilers Blogger • 
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