I'm 95% sure the next Head Coach of the Edmonton Oilers will be Brent Sutter. Sutter is the first name that comes up when hockey-people speak about what is happening in Edmonton this summer. Pierre McGuire stated on Thursday that the only way Sutter won't get the job is if he rejects the it.

Wait a minute...Didn't Oilers President of Hockey Operations Kevin Lowe say recently in an interview on his team's website that Oilers management and Sutter didn't discuss the Head Coach job in Edmonton while at the World Championships? As they say in French, Lowe is full of crap. Of course they did. We're not a bunch of idiots, honest. We know you did.

I can picture the conversation between the Oilers and Sutter now:

"Say Brent, you know how you're about to be unemployed n'stuff?"

"Yes Kevin. Why bring that up now? Can't you see I'm trying to eat a pound of pickled herring."

"Sorry, I don't mean to bother you. I just have a theoretical question to run past you."

Sutter lets out a loud sigh, and puts down one of his two forks. "Okay, what is it? Hurry up though, I don't like it when my herring gets stale."

Kevin Lowe shuffles his feet and looks to the floor in an effort to avoid making any eye contact. "Say there's an NHL team in a city with a name that rhymes with 'Deadmonton'. And let's say that team needs a new coach, not because the last one was bad, but because management desperately needs to distract everyone from the massively irresponsible and ineffective work they've been doing for years. Considering just how unemployed you are about to become, would you consider working for that team as a Head Coach?"

"Would I get all the herring I could eat?"

"Sure. All the herring you could eat."

"And would that club provide jobs to my relatives any time one needs a job? There are quite a few of us, you know."

"I suppose. Just how many unemployed Sutters can there be?"

"Hundreds."

"And what about winning games? Please don't tell me I'd be expected to put together a team that wins games. You saw my work in Calgary. I was tremendously proud of my ability to put a team on the ice that was consistently a hair away from being good. Mediocrity is as hard to maintain as success."

Lowe takes a minute, giggling before he responds. "Let's just say the hypothetical team we're talking about has the lamest fans in the world, willing to buy absolutely every ticket available regardless of price, no matter how bad the team is. And most of these fans willingly throw absolute blind support behind the team including management because they are terrified if they don't, the city will lose its NHL franchise. In that sort of environment, winning...hell, even just trying...is completely irrelevant."

Brent Sutter breaks into a massive smile. "Cool. Where do I sign up?"


People can spin this however they want. Explain it any way they can. Sutter's coached in the NHL before, and his teams haven't accomplished anything. The idea of hiring and bringing in a "veteran, experienced coach" is a stupid one if the guy's track record is nothing to brag about. At least with Marc Crawford, you could make the argument that he's won a cup before. With Sutter as an NHL Head Coach?

I can see how this is going to go: Under Sutter, the muckers are going to get a ton of ice time, and the skilled guys are going to sit. He'll decide very quickly who he likes and who he doesn't, which will divide the room and could squander the potential of several promising young players. The fans will hate him, because he'll stifle the offense. The media will hate him, because he more or less has the verbal skills of Chewbacca.

Why don't we all be honest about what the actual motivation is in the Sutter hiring: Steve Tambellini and Kevin Lowe know there are too many roster holes to fix in one summer, and that the rebuild is still in the initial phase because of it. It's going to take two or three more years before some of the young quality defensive prospects start to play in the NHL, and the Oilers will continue to be a non-playoff team until a few of these kids develop. By hiring Sutter, the Oilers bring on a perfect person to fire a year from now when the team fails once again. No one will be surprised and upset by a Sutter firing, because it's as common place now as a Raffi Torres suspension. Fire Sutter Day could be Canada's answer to Guy Fawkes Day.

This isn't about "who is the right guy for the job" because Oilers management are not even looking for the right guy. It's not about how to make the team better now, because management know they've screwed things up so badly, it's going to take a few more seasons and a few more top draft picks before things change. It's not about what the fans want, because Oilers fans got sick of losing a year ago, and management just ignored them. Keep in mind that after the team gets all your money, you're worthless to them.

What is the Sutter hiring about? For Kevin Lowe and Steve Tambellini, hiring Sutter = Job Preservation.

Nothing more, nothing less.

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