A few days ago, I observed the 26th anniversary of the passing of my father, Bill Stewart Jr. My dad was the kindest and wisest person I have ever known, and there is not a day that goes by where I don't miss and think about him.
I was refereeing an NHL game -- Minnesota at Edmonton -- on the night of Dec. 6, 1987. I will tell the game night part of the story in an upcoming blog about Wayne Gretzky, but will only say for now that Wayne and others knew of my dad's death that day before I found out about it. I learned of my father's death after the game from my friend Wally Harris. I took the red eye home to Massachusetts, where Tim Sheehy met me at the airport.
In a very real and powerful way, I still hear the voices of my father, my grandfather and that of my hockey refereeing mentor John McCauley. They still speak to me and guide me.
In a similar light, I want to publicly pass along my heartfelt condolences to Terry Crisp on the passing a few weeks ago of his father, Nesbeth. Terry's dad lived to be 91, but losing a parent always feels way too soon no matter the age of the parent or the mourner. I don't believe I ever met Mr. Crisp, but I have heard Terry is much like him.
You meet the same people over and over again in this business. "Crispy" is one of those people for me and many others around hockey.
During my college days at the University of Pennsylvania, Crispy played for the Broad Street Bullies era Flyers. I didn't get to know him as well as some others on the team but he was nice to me and was good friends with one of my Penn teammates, Ed Parkinson.
In some ways, I always felt a connection with Terry because he spent a lot of time learning the philosophies of his Flyers' coach, Fred Shero. Terry may have been closer to Shero than any of the Flyers players. As I blogged about shortly before the posthumous Hall of Fame induction of the Fog in the Hockey Hall of Fame, Shero was one of the men who forever shaped my own views of the game and helped me believe that I could make a living in this business despite my modest natural playing talents.
Shero was as sharp as they come, and he recognized that Crisp had the makings to someday become a successful coach after his playing days. Terry was a student of the game, and wanted to know how and why Shero did certain things. Shero generously shared of his knowledge with Terry as he did with anyone who showed both the interest and initiative to learn from him.
As players, Crispy and I played different roles -- he was a defensive center and penalty killer and I was an enforcer. What we had in common was that we both understood that we weren't going to be scorers and we had to find a different niche and work hard to be the best at that role as we possibly could.
After his playing days ended, Crispy was an assistant coach under Shero before becoming a head coach. He worked his way up through the junior ranks, winning an OHL championship with the Sault Ste. Marie Greyhounds. He went to the AHL for a couple years, coaching the Moncton Flames, and then graduated to be the head coach of the Calgary Flames (winning a Stanley Cup in 1988-89) before coaching the expansion Tampa Bay Lightning through their early years and first trip to the playoffs.
During Terry's rise through the head coaching ranks, I embarked on my own second career as a referee. We encountered each other many times along the way back up the ladder to the NHL and then at the top level.
Something I have always liked about Terry is that he was an intense competitor on the ice but always had a good time because he loved the game so much. Like me, he has a bit of a temper -- which meant we clashed a few times -- but also like me, is quick to forgive and move on afterwards.
Things never lingered or carried on with Crispy, unlike other coaches I dealt with as a referee. Also, he was one of those coaches who would yell at you and then wink to let you know it was really for the benefit of his team, and not personally directed at you. Off the ice, Crispy loves to laugh and loves to tell stories, so in a lot ways we are two peas in a pod.
I will share a couple quick Crispy stories.
One time early in his coaching career and my refereeing career, there was a chippy game where I guess he felt like his team was coming out on the wrong side of my calls. During a stoppage of play, he sent out one of his young players to deliver a message to me.
I was in no mood for a debate and I got gruff with the kid.
"What do YOU want?" I asked. "Did Crispy send you out?"
"Yes," he said. "Crispy said you need to..."
I interrupted. "I need to what? I need to get better control of this game?"
"Yes."
"And if I don't?" I challenged. "Then what?"
"Crispy said there's going to be a big brawl at the end of the game, and you'll be to blame," the player said.
"OK, well, you tell Crispy that I think that's a great idea! I haven't seen a really good brawl in a long time, and I'm looking forward to seeing who can fight and who can't."
Moments later, I glanced over at the bench. I didn't see Crisp. I skated over... and that's when I saw Terry in the hallway, nearly convulsing with laughter and pounding his fist on the wall.
Shortly thereafter, when Crispy was coaching with Moncton, we had a less humorous interaction. The officials locker room in Moncton was always very nicely stocked with refreshments and well as packets of soap and little bottles of shampoo for the showers.
One night, we had an emotionally charged game and Crisp and I vocally disagreed over several calls. When the final horn sounded, we retired to the locker room.
Everything had been cleaned out.... no food, nothing to drink, nothing for the showers but a couple of towels.
I summoned the security guard. He told me the Flames equipment manager had been told to remove everything from the room before we got back.
Furious, I stalked off to the Flames locker room. I saw Crisp there.
"What are you doing here?" he sneered. "Go back where you belong."
"Were you the one who had them take everything out of our locker room?" I demanded.
"Yes, and [bleep] all of you," he said. "You don't deserve it."
"You've got exactly one minute to restock that room," I said. "There's a sign on the door that says 'Authorized Personnel Only' by order of the AHL. I'm going to report it and you'll be the one to catch hell for it. I'm going to go back there and I want to see everything back where it was before the game. If not, before I file that report, you and I are going to have a real problem."
As I've said before, nothing speaks to old-time hockey people like the prospect of paying a fine. They (we) hate paying fines of any amount. I stomped out of the Flames locker room. On the way back to the officials' room, I see arena employees scurrying with bottles of water, juice, beer and other things for the room.
I never really had a big problem with Terry again. Next time I saw him, it was like nothing had ever happened. That's how it goes in this game.
A few weeks ago, Terry was in Toronto with numerous former Flyers teammates to celebrate the induction of Fred Shero into the Hall. I'm sure Crispy was -- and still is -- feeling a whole gamut of emotions during this tough time, but he no doubt was making others feel comfort with his own warmth and kindness.
Terry is one of the good ones in this game. I'm sure his father was always very proud of what his son accomplished.
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Recent Blogs by Paul Stewart
Olympic Officials: Jeux San Frontieres?
Thornton Went After the Wrong Guy
Stevie Why?
Careful With That Stick, Eugene
Hockey Barns and Broken Zambonis
Stick Slashes, Butterfingers and Gordie Tattoos
A Slap Shot Story: My Day as a Long Island Duck
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Paul Stewart holds the distinction of being the first U.S.-born citizen to make it to the NHL as both a player and referee. On March 15, 2003, he became the only American-born referee to officiate in 1,000 NHL games.
Today, Stewart is an officiating and league discipline consultant for the Kontinental Hockey League (KHL) and serves as director of hockey officiating for the Eastern College Athletic Conference (ECAC).
The longtime referee heads Officiating by Stewart, a consulting, training and evaluation service for officials, while also maintaining a busy schedule as a public speaker, fund raiser and master-of-ceremonies for a host of private, corporate and public events. As a non-hockey venture, he is the owner of Lest We Forget.
Stewart is currently working with a co-author on an autobiography. 
Blogger •Former NHL Referee • 
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