The Edmonton Oilers have taken huge strides to improve the on-ice product during the offseason, bolstering the forward ranks and defensive corps. Honestly, we have no idea whether those moves will pay off once the season starts. However, the Oilers have identified another area that was in desperate need of an overhaul: their goal song.
Last season, the Oilers played Pitbull’s “Don’t Stop The Party” after each goal, which was a poor choice for a multitude of reasons. First, you hear “Don’t Stop The Party” everywhere from Bud Light commercials to NFL pregame concerts, meaning it’s about as watered-down as the beer it promotes. Second, when the Oilers are down six goals to the Flames, and they score a late one to cut the deficit to five, nobody wants to hear a song encouraging the party to keep going. Finally, half the song is in Spanish, a language you only hear spoken at Rexall Place when Dora On Ice is in town.
It’s a stone-cold fact that in-stadium music sets the tone, and can help or hinder any team. I saw it first-hand in 2006 at McAfee Coliseum, when the Oakland A's were pumping Coldplay through the speakers prior to the opener of the ALCS against the Detroit Tigers. That's right... Coldplay. Now, listening to Coldplay is appropriate when a) driving by yourself in the rain, b) grieving, or c) contemplating the ramifications of a conscious uncoupling. Of course, the A's were swept by the Tigers. Coincidence? No chance.
This might be an exercise in futility, as we’re probably destined for Katy Perry’s “Firework” or some other sticky-sweet pop nonsense, but I’m offering up a few suggestions for the Oilers’ next goal song. Nothing against Katy Perry or Pitbull personally, but their songs don’t have any ties to oil or other fossil fuels, hockey, or Edmonton. I think there are four key guidelines when a team selects a goal song:
1) Local ties – Whenever possible, the artist should come from the same region as the hockey team. In Pitbull’s case, he was born in Miami. I’m sure he’s probably visited Alberta at some point, or at least flown over it, but that’s about as close as he comes to having any affiliation with Edmonton. Anaheim’s goal song–“Bro Hymn” by Pennywise–is a perfect example of local ties, since the punk band hails from nearby Hermosa Beach, California.
2) Crowd involvement – “Don’t Stop The Party” was a decent choice for one reason: It got fans on their feet and dancing, without even realizing it. People want to participate in a simple, unified cheer, and it helps if they can dance or clap at the same time. It’s a celebration (when you’re not getting shellacked), and that celebration shouldn’t grow stale after the team’s ninth goal. When it comes to crowd involvement, nothing beats Chicago’s goal song–“Chelsea Dagger” by The Fratellis–because even the visiting team’s fans get up, dancing and singing along.
3) No Jock Jams compilation songs – We’ve heard each of these songs 78,000 times, at sporting events ranging from football to lacrosse to midget tossing. Choosing an original song eliminates confusion when fans attend other sporting events, hear their goal song played over the loudspeakers, and instantly think the Oilers have increased their lead over the Jets. This rule eliminates a number of crowd favorites, including “Whoomp! (There It Is),” “Pump Up the Jam,” “Cotton Eye Joe” and “Rock and Roll Part 2.”
4) Take the sport into consideration – Hockey is a gritty, free-wheeling sport that requires speed, tenacity, and a take-no-prisoners attitude. What type of music has those same characteristics? It isn’t polka or soft rock, reggae or calypso. We’re talking punk rock. Loud, brash, in-your-face punk rock that people can sing along to and thrash along with. Hopefully the Oilers consider the following suggestions, but if they don’t end up adopting one of them, at least we can all feast our ears for a few minutes.
Misfits – “Walk Among Us”
Ignore that it doesn’t have any local ties, if the Oilers want to beef up their image this is the song to go with. It’s dark, cryptic, and short enough (1:23) to play in its entirety after each goal. It starts out with the great line, “They’ll find pieces of you scattered on the ground,” and the Rexall Place crowd would sound great chanting the title after the line, “Give in to what you cannot fight.” Of course, incubating bodies for the purpose of breeding an alien superior race doesn’t really apply to hockey, but it’s a fun tune.
SNFU – Drunk On A Bike
A classic tune from SNFU, detailing the misadventures of a man who goes for a drunken ride on his bicycle. Ah, tale as old as time. I like to think of this one being directed at the opposing goaltender, with the crowd belting out “Can somebody help me please, scrape this man up off the road, can somebody help me please, I cannot do it on my own.” There are much better options out there, but it has potential. Plus, it pays homage to a legendary Edmonton hardcore punk band.
Chixdiggit! – Chupacabras
Chixdiggit! Is a Calgary-based pop punk band, which might make some wary. However, Jarome Iginla is an Edmonton boy who ended up in Cowtown, where the degenerates down south milked his talent for all it was worth and then discarded him for three irrelevant scrubs, so screw Calgary. What do chupacabras have to do with the Oilers? Nothing. Where in Edmonton will you find people spinning chupacabra yarns? Nowhere. However, this song is incredibly chant-worthy and would be awesome to hear raining down from the rafters.
The Smalls – Dan Diddle A Na
This, my friends, is the song for the Oilers, meeting each of our four criteria. The Smalls were forged in Edmonton during the midst of the Oilers dynasty, giving us strong local ties. Crowd involvement is obvious here, and it gives me goosebumps to imagine 16,839 people rising as one to mosh and bang their heads along with this little ditty. You won’t hear this song on any Jock Jams compilation, which gives it originality on par with any goal song in the league. Plus, the nature of the song ties in beautifully with the sport of hockey. So strap ’em on and crank it up, because we have a winner—at least when it comes to the goal song.
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