My worst nightmare is appearing on Chopped, the Food Network television program that puts chefs to the test by giving them a mystery basket of ingredients and a time limit. I’m a horrible cook when I have optimal ingredients, a recipe to follow, and all the time in the world. I once screwed up Jell-O. That’s right, Jell-O. Let that sink in for a moment. Take ideal conditions away and I would be the culinary equivalent of Brad Hunt: completely lost and totally overwhelmed.
On Chopped, chefs produce dishes that are judged on their creativity, presentation and taste. NHL head coaches face the same challenge. Under a time limit inherent to the job, they have to utilize an ever-changing basket of ingredients (oh, hello Anton Belov), creating line combinations, internal gameplans, and strategic initiatives to maximize performance. Ultimately, coaches produce teams that are judged on their creativity, presentation and results.
Edmonton Oilers head coach Dallas Eakins has been given a difficult basket. For every ingredient even I couldn’t screw up (Taylor Hall = prime rib) he has two that require a skilled hand and creative deployment (Mark Arcobello + Justin Schultz = goat brains). However, Eakins’ decision-making this season has been questionable at times and the Oilers are in the basement of the Western Conference once again. Is he on the chopping block? Let’s go to the judges.
You completely forgot to plate one of the ingredients
This happens on Chopped, when people rush around and get slammed by the time crunch. Dallas, this tuna carpaccio is delicious but you forgot to plate the garbanzo beans! D’oh! Jeff Petry was a healthy scratch three games into the season. Unsurprisingly, it was the Oilers’ worst loss of the season—a 6-1 loss to the Los Angeles Kings. Martin Marincin started the season in AHL, which is a lesser offense, but the Petry decision is the ultimate head-scratcher so far.
Your ingredient pairing was all wrong
Nobody would pair tomato ketchup and chocolate fudge, because it’s unappealing to the eye, the palette, and the imagination. Brad Hunt, an offensive defenceman who some consider a power play specialist, spent a few games paired with Justin Schultz, an offensive defenceman who some consider a forward in disguise. The results were predictably horrendous. Along these same lines, Matt Hendricks began Tuesday’s game on the same line as Nail Yakupov. Yuck.
You turned a garnish into the main ingredient
Dallas, radish is generally considered a garish. What possessed you to create a radish alfredo? Hunt, who cleared waivers on Monday, has the third-highest average ice-time (20:14) among Oilers defencemen. It’s nonsensical that a player no other NHL wants is averaging more ice than Mark Fayne, Andrew Ference and Jeff Petry. Also, why is Mark Arcobello playing over 15 minutes a night in the NHL? These are not deployment decisions that playoff teams make.
You turned the main ingredient into a garnish
When I order a T-bone steak I want to be able to find it on the plate. It shouldn’t be dwarfed by the mashed potatoes and green beans. Yakupov is a T-bone steak, but he’s currently averaging 13:44 per night. In the second game of the season, against the Vancouver Canucks, he played 9:50. Three weeks later, against the Canucks again, he played 20:25. Nothing can explain that disparity. Similarly, Mark Fayne is averaging 17:01 a night, which is five minutes less than Schultz.
You didn’t bring out the flavor of your ingredients
Just as a chef draws out flavor, coaches are tasked with getting the most out of their players. Can we name a single Oilers player who’s overachieved since Eakins took over the reins? Can we name more than a handful of players who have simply achieved? The list of Eakins’ former Oilers playing in the KHL, AHL, or struggling on other NHL franchises is already long, and he hasn’t been able to get much out of guys like Benoit Pouliot, Teddy Purcell or Marincin.
You didn’t have a plan
More often than not, if you give me a basket of ingredients and a time limit it’s chili time. Chuck them all into a pot, turn up the heat, and hope it doesn’t taste like barf. Eakins is proving to us that he either doesn’t have a plan, or doesn’t have the patience to stick with his original one. How else can you explain Hunt, Will Acton, Oscar Klefbom, Keith Aulie, Marincin and Iiro Pakarinen shuffling in and out of the lineup? The Oilers are a consistent stream of trial and error.
Eakins began blaming his players after Tuesday’s loss, saying “the one thing you don’t want to get caught in is every 10 days you have to try and jump-start a guy. … I think for the most part we have very competitive guys and they are getting better at understanding that it has to be every night, just not 60 nights a year.” History is littered with former NHL coaches who couldn’t motivate players, and more than a couple who threw the team’s misfortune at the feet of them.
Adding up all the coaching deficiencies or questionable decisions, we can understand how the Oilers have lost twice as many games as they’ve won. They could also explain how five of Edmonton’s eight losses have come by at least three goals. You could argue there isn’t a coach alive that could craft a playoff team from the Oilers ingredients, and that might be true. However, Eakins has failed to get the most out of them, and it’s only a matter of time until he’s chopped.
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