In a recent contribution to The Players' Tribune, Chicago Blackhawks agitator extraordinaire Daniel Carcillo bared his soul about the recent death of his great friend in life Steve Montador.
It was early Sunday afternoon, and I was taking off my shoes in our players’ lounge when I kept hearing my phone buzz. Someone was calling repeatedly. I immediately got an uneasy, sick feeling when I looked at the screen and saw who was calling. It was my close friend Missy. She was hysterical.
“Steve’s gone,” she said.
My best friend in hockey, Steve Montador, was found dead in his home at age 35. Steve was a 12-year NHL vet who battled drug and alcohol addiction at certain points in his career. Since he walked away from the game due to concussions in 2013, he was struggling to figure out what to do next. But I was still in complete shock and disbelief. For some reason, I started getting dressed for the pre-game skate. As a hockey player, you’re just taught to push through the pain, no matter what. I got pretty close to getting halfway dressed when I started putting on my skates. I glanced across the room and saw the stall Monty used to sit in when we played together. I heard his deep, hearty laugh.
I broke down
Carcillo has a nasty reputation as a cruel dude. He's one of the most despised energy players in NHL history. He's thetype of crap disturber that fans hate to play against but want to have on their team because he is willing to make any sacrifice for his teammates. He'll fight guy that are six inches taller and thirty pounds heavier than he is. Because he is a winner and he'd give the socks off of his feet to the guy sitting next to him on the bench.
On the outside, Carcillo presents the face of a brave, courageous warrior. However, on the inside, he is depressed, vulnerable and wrought with emotions that are foreign to NHL tough guy bad asses.
Losing his beloved friend Montador threw Carcillo for a serious loop. He needed help to deal with enormity of it all.
I went to the trainers’ room to try and finish tying my skates without anyone noticing the tears. I didn’t want to be a distraction for the guys. It was a big game. I told JT, one of our trainers, what had happened. I tried to put on my best face and finish getting ready back at my locker. That’s when Johnny Toews noticed something wasn’t right. I don’t think I was doing a good job of hiding it. He pulled me back into the lounge and I told him what happened. Johnny hugged me and tried to calm me down. But I was inconsolable. I blew my nose, slammed some cold water and went out for warm up, telling everyone who asked that I’d be fine for the game.
About five minutes into it, I was stretching by the bench and caught the eye of Pauly, one of our trainers. He must have just found out the news, too. His eyes looked sad. He could see I was hurting. I tried to take one more lap but failed to do so without breaking into tears. I walked down the tunnel and straight to the coach’s room and walked into Q’s office. They had just gotten the news about Monty as well. When I could finally speak, I told him I couldn’t play. I didn’t want to be a distraction. I got undressed and left the rink.
I had so many thoughts and questions that needed answers. What had happened? Who was with him? Where was he? Is this real? This can’t be real. Why didn’t he reach out if something was wrong? My mind was racing. Over the days to come, I experienced emotions that I’d never felt before. I never realized my heart and soul could ache as it did from that kind of loss.
When I rejoined the team after taking a few days off for Monty’s funeral, I couldn’t put what happened out of my mind. One night on the road, I started writing down my thoughts on Hilton hotel notepads. Why do NHL players struggle so much with moving on from the game? Why are so many former players I know battling depression? Why does the hockey community ignore them when they’re gone?
And why can’t we create a more concrete program to help them transition into real life?
Carcillo also ponders what can be done by the National Hockey League Players Association (NHLPA) to prevent further tragedies like that of Montador, who suffered from concussions and battled addiction at times during his NHL career. Montador passed away at his home in Mississauga, Ontario at the young age of 35 in February. Montador was forced to walk away from the game of hockey in 2013 after 12 seasons. He sustained a major concussion.
Carcillo was devastated by the loss of his good friend, but also found the strength to offer his thoughts on devoting more attention to helping players transition to life after hockey.
Here is a powerfully moving excerpt of Carcillo’s own demons and dealing with the sudden, tragic loss of his confidante, mentor, and teammate “Monty”.
Montador’s sudden death was not in vain. Since his passing, more and more current and former players have stepped forward to talk about mental health, depressions, concussions and the lack of a proper exit strategy from playing the game to the next phase of their civilian lives.
Thanks, Players Tribune
I applaud Carcillo for breaking the tough guy stereotype. He's in the worst emotional pain of his life. He can help his NHLPA brethren to deal with their losses and to make cleaner transition from the NHL to everyday life. There is a life after pro hockey. Carcillo is asking his NHLPA leadership for help in creating programs to help the transition more smoothly.
Zach Hyman (Florida, 5th round 2010) has communicated to the Florida Panthers that he will not be signing an entry-level deal with the NHL team.
Hyman will become a UFA on August 16, though the Panthers may trade his rights before then.
Hyman led the MichiganWolverines in scoring this year with 54 points in 37 games. He was a Hobey Baker Award finalist.
Hyman's "thanks but no thanks" message to the Panthers is very similar tp that of Kevin Hayes (NY Rangers) and Justin Schultz (Edmonton Oilers) , who did the same thing to their drafting teams Chicago and Anaheim, respectively.
Sabres GM Tim Murray may want to make a play for Hyman. Sabres center prospect J.T. Compher is a teammate of Hyman at U Michigan.
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