A Satire by B.D. Gallof
Approaching Toronto
4/26/07
As Round 2 of the hockey playoffs has begun, and both Vancouver and the Rangers sit licking their wounds, my crack team of hockey pugilists and I are now on the road to Toronto. Doctor Teeth, fascinated by our merry band, has decided to tag along. He has rented us a school bus that looks like it came right out of Woodstock. There are all sorts of vibrant colors painted on it. We speed along the highway, Doctor Teeth driving madly, singing some song called, “Can You Picture That” over and over again until Dave Brown asks him if he wants a knuckle sandwich.
“Far out!” Doctor Teeth replies, in ignorant bliss.
Subsequently, Dave Brown is now driving the bus with Doctor Teeth’s limp form lying upside down in one of the seats.
Our team is ready. The rest of us gather in the back of the bus to go over particulars. I open a laptop, which was handed to me by some shifty fellow as we were stuck for hours at the Canadian border. Evidently, though our bus was clean, they took special attention to Doctor Teeth. Evidently a strip search was involved. Doctor Teeth was finally allowed to cross, and he walked back to the bus grumbling and walking funny.
The laptop opens, and none other than Gino Odjick, the lauded enforcer from Vancouver, that peers back at us. Gino was the man, who after watching his team member and friend Pavel Bure have some liberties taken with, went out on the ice and slammed Dominik Hasek, creating a brawl that required 261 penalty minutes to be handed out.
“Here are the plans to the NHL headquarters,” says Gino. “Of course you know many Bothans died to bring you this information.”
A hologram of the main NHL offices comes up. Gino points out its weak points. There is too much security, so we need to run trough some trench to get to the thermal exhaust port to the NHL office. It should lead us right into the main center, the NHL reactor core.
"Good Luck and god speed," Gino salutes us and raises his fist. “Take them down like I took out Hasek!”
Our mission was clear. Our men were ready…well, except for a green puppet who was still unconscious. Toronto was in our sights.
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