ftr, dan didn't even know what drink he bought (which was another in that long line of bad decisions).

ALRIGHT, LET'S DO THIS!


body armor lyte - cherry berry


to prove that i care about everyone equally and think that everyone should be treated with the same amount of respect as anyone else i am reviewing this body armor lyte for my big fat gross readers.

as you may remember i have previously reviewed the body armor tropical punch and strawberry banana full fatty flavors. as you may also remember those drinks were delicious but only because i'm relatively sure the first 4 ingredients were sugar.

so i was apprehensive going into this because of the whole lyte thing. yes, they spell it lyte (it's like taking the whole dumb miller "lite" thing to another yet-unthought-of level of dumb).

i digress.

this stuff was actually surprisingly good. you can barely taste that it's a diet drink. and that's probably because i've decided it's not really a diet drink. the third ingredient is sugar. i guess they just consider this less fattening than the regular because the regular is a liquefied 5 lb bag of domino sugar.

it looks like there's red cherries, black cherries, strawberries, and something green that i can't tell if it's supposed to be an apple or a mango or what.

i foolishly looked to the ingredients to see which fruits were used because i am used to all of those disgusting health drinks i've been reviewing lately with chunks of real fruit. of course, coconut water was probably the closest thing to actual fruit that was listed. so the world may never know what fruits this is supposed to taste like, although "cherry berry juice" is listed as an ingredient but i have decided that's not a real thing. like how my grandfather decided tilapia wasn't a real fish because it "was never on any menus when i was a kid."

so anyway, for you my loyal readers who happen to be great big fat people, this might be for you. if you're looking to get down from a repulsive 410 lbs to a just-difficult-to-look-at 375 give this a try. you never know, maybe your shirt won't get caught in between those rolls on your back anymore, leaving a line of sweat on the outside and those chunks of cheese on the inside. maybe next time you go shopping for drinks you won't need to use one of those (frank)ing golf cart things that all us able-bodied people hate you all so much for ("oh, here comes another. hold your breath i can just tell this one smells.")

so anyway, like i said, i appreciate my readers immensely and i respect you all equally so i wanted to review something for you sickening obese people too. and i'd have to say it was a huge success because this was a really good beverage.

hey, if my use of the word "huge" in that last sentence offended anybody i'm sorry.

it wasn't any kind of freudian slip or anything like that, i swear.

i was so careful not to offend anybody up to that point that i'd hate for anyone to think there was any hidden meaning to that.

ftr, dan didn't even know what drink he bought (which was another in that long line of bad decisions).
- kicksave856

(frank) fine.

I'll try again give me a good starter drink.


Has to be pretty mainstream I'm picking from a small fridge at a drugstore.

talapia actually isn't a real fish technically

talapia actually isn't a real fish technically
- Crimsoninja

Tilapia were one of the three main types of fish caught in Biblical times from the Sea of Galilee.

i will list the main fishes (in no particular order):

Tilapia were one of the three main types of fish caught in Biblical times from the Sea of Galilee.
- AGalchenyuk27

talapia actually isn't a real fish technically
- Crimsoninja

They really fooled us with those gills and fins. Man, do I feel stupid.

- Crimsoninja

Classic

before i start my next drink review we here at drinkslave856.com would like to take a moment to apologize to the many people who wrote in and were apparently offended by our last post.

with that said, it was a 4/$5 body armor sale and so, without calling it "full fatty" or anything like that i'd like to go ahead and review the body armor mixed berry flavor without upsetting anymore of my loyal readers, receiving anymore bomb threats, or chancing losing any of our ad sponsors (consider whitelisting us, this is how we pay our writers!).

so here we go.


body armor - mixed berry


ever wake up with cramps in both legs? or a bad headache?

this is probably the result of dehydration from going balls deep for hours in that pig of yours the way she deserves it after doing line after line of fine cocaine.

you might want to consider body armor mixed berry. it says "superior hydration" right on the bottle, so this should replenish your lost fluids so that you can get back on the ho and continue pumping away deep and hard the way that slut should be treated.

anyway, it's a fine drink. loaded with sugar (in case you consider yourself too skinny and are trying to carb load or just fill out your biitch-like girly frame, you pussie).

berry taste is indeed strong. it looks like raspberry, blueberry, blackberry, and that green thing are on the label but not in the ingredients this time.

so be sure to run out and buy body armor mixed berry. then you can really pound that hole the way your girl really needs it and treat her like the whore she really is.

welp according to our inbox there's already something offensive about this review as well.

we're not sure what it is because we only read the subject lines before deleting (our time is very valuable).

anyway, we'll try to do better in the future. in the meantime, maybe you should think about toughening up a little bit, hmm?

(frank) fine.

I'll try again give me a good starter drink.


Has to be pretty mainstream I'm picking from a small fridge at a drugstore.
- dt99999

milk

i liked the reviews better before they became weirdly mean and aggro

just calm down and talk about the drink

i liked the reviews better before they became weirdly mean and aggro

just calm down and talk about the drink
- Crimsoninja

it's almost as if he's a child on a sugar crash

welp according to our inbox there's already something offensive about this review as well.

we're not sure what it is because we only read the subject lines before deleting (our time is very valuable).

anyway, we'll try to do better in the future. in the meantime, maybe you should think about toughening up a little bit, hmm?
- kicksave856

i don't get the bit

i liked the reviews better before they became weirdly mean and aggro

just calm down and talk about the drink
- Crimsoninja

*reads subject line and deletes*

these two are jokes you idiots.

also WHY ARE YOU READING THE DRINK REVIEWS?

i liked the reviews better before they became weirdly mean and aggro

just calm down and talk about the drink
- Crimsoninja

i liked the reviews better before they became weirdly mean and aggro

just calm down and talk about the drink
- Crimsoninja

he really needs to calm down

- Nucker101

(frank)ing kevin weekes

he really needs to calm down
- SourceS.V.P.

do you even caffeine bro?

do you even caffeine bro?
- kicksave856

as (frank)ing (frank)

as (frank)ing (frank)
- SourceS.V.P.

i respect your opinion either way.

let's go for coffee.