Donald J. Trump‏Verified account
@realDonaldTrump


James Comey better hope that there are no "tapes" of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!
- AGalchenyuk27

he's a complete mess

thank you Carol
- twiztedmike

She still likes me better

She still like me better
- Aetherial

she hates both of you....but she does hate Mike a lot more

why is "tapes" in quotation marks?!?!

so 2 days ago our North American IT director leaves the company based on a "mutual decision" and this morning we have a virus issue that has shut down the company networks across 20 countries. i'm no conspiracy theorist... but...
- DoubleDown

she hates both of you....but she does hate Mike a lot more
- Symba007

So you're saying there's a chance?

why is "tapes" in quotation marks?!?!
- dt99999

why is "tapes" in quotation marks?!?!
- dt99999

Because people don't record on actual tapes anymore dt.

Because people don't record on actual tapes anymore dt.
- Scabeh

what?!?!?



no wonder -davies- never responded to all the mix tapes I send her

what?!?!?



no wonder -davies- never responded to all the mix tapes I send her
- dt99999

he meant that kind of tape

we're at my parents this weekend and had this conversation

disclaimer: this is gonna be boring as (frank)


mrs. dt: what do we have to do to make sure your mom doesn't have to cook on mother`s day?


me: not come here


mrs. dt: ok but what do we do?


dt: restaurant?


mrs. dt: with all the kids?!?


dt: yeah no way


bro-in-law: we can pick food up and bring it here


me: no my dad will freak out and my mom will cook anyway to prove spending money was useless.


me: why don't we do it at our house??


mrs. dt: oh no that means I have to cockl for mother's day


me: *(thinking): yeah lol like that's gonna happen) *


everyone: ........

mrs. dt: we can pick food up and have a brunch at our place!!


everyone: sure fine









guess who's picking up the stuff and having to get the house ready.



















now fast forward to father's day


mrs. dt: for father's dayi I made the coffee this morning but I accidentally only made a cup and a half and had a cup so you can make some more if you want more than half a cup
- dt99999

classic mrs dt

he meant that kind of tape


- Symba007

did you hear about vagina neck?

did you hear about vagina neck?
- DoubleDown

yes Trevor Noah

yes Trevor Noah
- Symba007

·_·

RichardNixonLibrary
✔ ‎@NixonLibrary

FUN FACT: President Nixon never fired the Director of the FBI #FBIDirector #notNixonian

8:15 PM - 9 May 2017

classic mrs dt
- DoubleDown

one of these days bro...

yes Trevor Noah
- Symba007

that was great

·_·
- dt99999

the worst

classic mrs dt
- DoubleDown

mrs. dt: oh no that means I have to cockl for mother's day

mrs. dt: oh no that means I have to cockl for mother's day


- Symba007

one of these days bro...
- dt99999

i got the wife who doesn't want to do anything but is going to Chateauguay for dinner with her mom and grandmother, i got the mother downtown who doesn't want to leave Westmount, the 1 year old who naps from noon-2 that all the mothers want to see... i think i'm just gonna go to a hotel Saturday night and not come home till Monday

·_·
- dt99999

Agreed he's really not funny

i got the wife who doesn't want to do anything but is going to Chateauguay for dinner with her mom and grandmother, i got the mother downtown who doesn't want to leave Westmount, the 1 year old who naps from noon-2 that all the mothers want to see... i think i'm just gonna go to a hotel Saturday night and not come home till Monday
- DoubleDown

Can me DT and Fredo go visit you at the hotel?

yes Trevor Noah
- Symba007

would

i got the wife who doesn't want to do anything but is going to Chateauguay for dinner with her mom and grandmother, i got the mother downtown who doesn't want to leave Westmount, the 1 year old who naps from noon-2 that all the mothers want to see... i think i'm just gonna go to a hotel Saturday night and not come home till Monday
- DoubleDown

I'll meet you there. I have a wife, mother and step mother whose birthdays are also in May. I should have checked in somewhere for the month.