Sorry. Im a dad. Its the best i have now.
- Codes1087

Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says “hey buddy, why the long face”?

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
- 1970vintage

...patiently waiting for answer.

...patiently waiting for answer.
- Reubenkincade

Lick-a-lotta-puss

Lick-a-lotta-puss
- 1970vintage

- Codes1087

The male version...





Mega-sore-ass

The male version...





Mega-sore-ass
- 1970vintage

- Codes1087

those are ‘70’s dad jokes, you can’t say that kind of poop anymore.

those are ‘70’s dad jokes, you can’t say that kind of poop anymore.
- 1970vintage

Haha i was just going to say, not sure if mods are going to let those fly in here, but those were pretty good.

What do you call a blind dinosaur

A do-you-think-he-saurus

Here’s an old one, stop me if you’ve heard it.

Mrs Winchester, a kindly looking old widower with a substantial personal fortune walks into the main branch of the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce on Bay Street in downtown Toronto on a sunny Wednesday afternoon. She approaches the first available teller and says “good afternoon dear, I’m interested in investing but I have a substantial amount of savings and I’m hoping you can get the bank manager for me”?

The teller, without hesitation says “please have a seat over there in the waiting area and I will get the manager for you right away”.

A few minutes later the branch manager sits next to Mrs Winchester asking how he can be of service. Mrs Winchester says “ thank you dear, but when I asked for the manager I meant Mr. Victor D. Dodig, the Chief Executive Officer”. The branch manager, awkwardly, says “I’m sorry miss, Mr. Dodig does not handle new accounts. Mrs Winchester, opening her bag containing $20million cash says “I think he will make an exception for me.”

Seeing the wealth first hand the branch manager agrees, and escorts Mrs Winchester to the executive elevators and up to the top floor, where he leaves her with Mr Dodigs personal assistant.

After a short wait, she is shown into the CEO’s office where Mr. Dodig asks “how can we help you today”?

Mrs Winchester opens her case of neatly organized $100 bills saying she has $20million dollars today, and will have additional deposits every month of a similar amount, but she wanted to meet the man in charge of the institution first before she was willing to commit her savings.

Curiously, Mr Dodig asks “how have you amassed such a significant savings”? With a wry smile Mrs Winchester says “I am prolific gambler, and I never loose”. A quiet chuckle escapes Mr Dodigs lips as he askes “what kind of gambling are you referring to”? Mrs Winchester replies “I make bets with wealthy gentleman, and as I have said, I never loose”. With a wide grin, Mr Dodig asks “what kind of bets”?

“Well for instance” Mrs Winchester says, “I bet you $50,000 that your balls are square”. Laughing out loud Dodig sputters “square”? “Yes” Mrs Winchester says calmly, “like a hairy pair of dice”.

At the thought of an easy $50k Dodig is about undo his trousers when Mrs Winchester stops him and says “this won’t do Mr Dodig, we’ll need witnesses and contracts and the such. I will return Friday morning at 9am with legal council to conclude our transaction.”

That night, Dodig spent hours before bed, fondling his testicles, making sure that there was no way they could be considered anything but round, oval at the very worst. When he was sure, he started to fantasize about what he would do with the $50k, and how the BOD would sing his praises for bringing in a new wealthy client.

Friday morning arrives and as promised Mrs Winchester is there promptly at 9:00am, pin stripe suited lawyer in tow. Sitting quietly in a chair facing Mr Dodig the lawyer says nothing as Mrs Winchester says “very well Mr Dodig, present them”. Dodig drops his trousers and boxers and Mrs Winchester grasps his balls exlaiming “by Jove, you’re right they are round”. With a big grin, Dodig says “I’ll be taking my money now please”. Happily, Mrs Winchester opens her bag and pulls out 5 ten thousand dollar stacks and places them on the desk. Dodig notices her grin as she lays out the cash and asks “why are you smiling, you told me you never loose a bet”?

Gesturing towards her lawyer she says “well Mr Dodig, I haven’t been completely honest. When I said I never loose I meant only that the net of my transactions is always a win. You see Mr Smith over there? I bet him $1million that I would have, in my hand by the end of the week, the testicles of the CEO of a major Canadian banking institution. So you see, I haven’t lost”.

Haha i was just going to say, not sure if mods are going to let those fly in here, but those were pretty good.

What do you call a blind dinosaur

A do-you-think-he-saurus
- Codes1087

Much more 2000’s dad friendly

Can the dads play Fortnight?
- DuranDuran

3-2 Canucks win

3-2 Canucks win
- manvanfan

Top of the pacific within reach 😂

i think you're both right
- BobBot

That makes all three of you wrong.

Corsi is sooo 2014.
Codes is wrong


The win against the penguins was just as impressive as the wins against Tampa and Boston.
Vantel is wrong.

Vantel and codes are both mistaken.
BobBot is wrong

#morninghate

Horse walks into a bar, the bartender says “hey buddy, why the long face”?
- 1970vintage

Horse walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables and the bartender says:

'Hey I don't mind the long face but don't you start anything in here'.

3-2 Canucks win
- manvanfan

lol

Don't think we are arguing.

You think they will be bottom 5 I think they will finish in 5-10 th from the bottom. We are not talking about a huge jump. This is a better team than last year. I think as the year goes on it will get better but we are talking jumping up 3 spots not contending for the playoff
- VANTEL

We were a better team last year, if the were no injuries to brock, bo, sutter, tanev, edler and guddy. Thanks be to gaunce or we would have picked top four last year.

Horse walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables and the bartender says:

'Hey I don't mind the long face but don't you start anything in here'.
- LordHumungous

Somehow a dog gets lost in a African Jungle. As he is finding his way a lion spots him. The lion thinks since the dog is so small he will be easy prey. When the dog sees the lion he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea. As the lion approaches he says " Mmmm, that was some good lion." The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he though and runs off.

But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time. The monkey decides if he tells the lion what had happened the lion might reward him. so he tells the lion and the lion tells him to come with him to take down the dog. As the lion and monkey approach the dog the dog sees them and gets an idea then turns his back towards them pretending he didn't see them sand when they come into hearing distance he says " Wheres that darn monkey?! i told him to bring that lion here hours ago!"

That makes all three of you wrong.

Corsi is sooo 2014.
Codes is wrong


The win against the penguins was just as impressive as the wins against Tampa and Boston.
Vantel is wrong.

Vantel and codes are both mistaken.
BobBot is wrong

#morninghate
- Pres.cup

we have had 2-3 legitimately bad games. we could have lost some of the games we've won, but somehow we managed to win. i wouldn't say we've truly "stolen" a game we had no right to.

i think we'll keep getting outshot most nights but if our d stay sensible and we get good stuff from marky and nillson, ep and co will always have a chance.

we do need to play from in front for any of this to be sustainable though id say and im not entirely confident our goaltending will hold up either longterm.

i just hope we dont waste the games when we do score a few goals.

Bergeron must be laughing now after everyone wanted him fired

we have had 2-3 legitimately bad games. we could have lost some of the games we've won, but somehow we managed to win. i wouldn't say we've truly "stolen" a game we had no right to.

i think we'll keep getting outshot most nights but if our d stay sensible and we get good stuff from marky and nillson, ep and co will always have a chance.

we do need to play from in front for any of this to be sustainable though id say and im not entirely confident our goaltending will hold up either longterm.

i just hope we dont waste the games when we do score a few goals.
- BobBot

That fact that you win the game proves you are in a game. No one ever listens to Pres. Cup.

Bergeron must be laughing now after everyone wanted him fired
- VANTEL

It's October.

It's October.
- Marwood

It certainly is . Rumor has it next month will be November.

It certainly is . Rumor has it next month will be November.
- VANTEL

Is November when all the individual awards are handed out?