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Coyotes to Just Want to Fly: Face Avs on Wednesday

August 11, 2020, 12:27 PM ET [24 Comments]
James Tanner
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The NHL's second most unlikely team to survive the play-in will take on the Colorado Avalanche tomorrow in a seven game series that begins while you are most likely at work.

That's 2:30 Arizona Time, or 5:30 normal people time. (East Coast 4 Life)

The Coyotes will have their work cut out for them against a very strong Avs team that featured Nathan MacKinnon, the NHL's fourth best player.

The Coyotes were more or less able to put a check on the Predators best players (due to Kuemper) but relying on the goalie won't be as successful against the Avalanche because they have too many weapons.

If MacKinnon and Rantanen don't beat you, they've got Nazem Kadri on the second line who is also a scoring machine, and one of the better looking NHL players.

If Kadri doesn't freeze you with his moves, watch out for that smokey glare.

Speaking of erotically charged athletes, Coyotes defenseman and former underwear model Oliver Ekman Larson has four points in four games, but has the corsi and supplementary advanced stats more akin to a Kevin Ekman Larson than an Oliver.

Now, no disrespect to Kevin, the man with the most hilarious Swedish name possible, and noted werewolf hunter of the hinterland, but he's no Oliver.

Just like in my family, where my little brother looks like Sugar Ray. You don't have to feel bad just because you yourself are not a celebrity look alike or superstar defenseman.

The point here is that Eric isn't ever going to debase himself with a sweet jeanjacket, and Oliver shouldn't be playing like Kevin.

Anti Raanta and Nick Schmaltz are both close to a return, but no word yet on if they'll be ready for game one.

Now on to the Keys of the series:

House
Shed
Car

A lot of people don't lock their shed, but you really should. You never know when a crackhead will want a free rake. Besides, if you have the right keys, you win in seven games.

And hey playa, if you can't find your keys, check Elliotte's beard.

Thanks and for the love all things holy, let's go Coyotes.
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